Because of My Sin
by Alexiel Reborn
Summary: Yukina is falling in love with Hiei, unaware of their relation, but how can he deal with those things, knowing his love is wrong? Incest


**Warnings:** Yes there is **incest**, if you didn't catch that in the summary. If you complain then your reviews will be ignored and deleted. It is not explicit or anything, so don't worry.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho because it would be _very_ different if I did.

**Note: **I've always been more of a HieixKurama person, but I just did this on a whim. It tried to keep them in character, but I may have failed.

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**Because of My Sin**

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When she said she loved me, I felt my entire body shake with a foreign sensation. It was something that I couldn't quite comprehend. As much as my heart began beating madly with exhilaration, I knew that I couldn't allow this to be. If she knew the truth about us, she would be horrified. I was left in a horrible predicament. I couldn't tell her the truth, but I couldn't withhold it from her and still be just.

After all, how often is it that your twin sister confesses her undying love for you?

I remember the night clearly. We were sitting just outside Genkai's temple in the grass that rose just high enough to cover us from view. I had been coming to see her a lot more recently. She always drew her to me with her quaint beauty. I tried to justify my reasons. She was my sister, even if she didn't know, and I had to protect her. I had to protect my beautiful Yukina.

There wasn't much to protect Yukina from though. No one ever endangered her. That red-headed baka, though irritating, did not pose a real threat. Even though he annoyed me past all ends, I knew that he would never force himself onto her. He lived by his own honor code, and I could respect that in him. He had been trying to court her for quite a while, but she always turned him down politely.

Anyway, as the evening passed away into night she turned to look at me and placed her small hand on mine. I let the smallest hint of a smile drift onto my lips as she gazed up at me with those beautiful eyes. She was always beautiful, everything about her. The way her aquamarine hair would fall in wisps against her pale smooth skin. Her eyes were always full of life and laughter, and her lips were always smiling at me. Somehow, she made it seem like each smile was because of me, and it was a new feeling. I had never really known what it was like to enjoy another's presence. I had always been alone.

Her fingers caressed my palm and I watched in fascination as she studied my hand. It was a special moment which froze me somewhere deep inside. Her fingers were cool against my skin, tracing in patterns against the calloused surface, and I couldn't suppress the shivers that raced abruptly up my spine. Physical affection was something that was strange to me, but...when she touched me it all seemed so familiar. Nothing about her intimidated or bothered me. She had this calm aura that ceaselessly surrounded her and covered her in reassuring tranquility. It was as if her cool manner was able to sooth the aching flames inside of me.

Because of how she made me feel, I tried not to allow myself to grow too close. I had intended to merely follow her in the shadows and watch her, but time and time again she would ask for my presence. It was like she desired to be with me, which I couldn't quite understand. I think she felt it too, the connection that we had. We were twins after all, so I thought she had merely picked up on that. It was hard to reject her requests when she looked at me with such honest enthusiasm. That was how I began to spend days with her.

Time passed, we grew closer. I don't know how she managed to get me to first speak. She was satisfied in the beginning with my silence, as long as we were together. Yet after a while she began to coax words out of me and before long I responded in full sentences. She had this amazing patience with me, and she was never angry. She had a way of relaxing me so that I didn't even realize what she was doing. I gained a new found respect for her once I saw that she wasn't so powerless as I had first thought.

The hardest part to take was when she would talk fervently about her 'brother'. It was awkward, and I don't like to outwardly lie, especially to someone that close to me. After a while, she would notice me withdraw with every mention of her quest, so she ceased the discussion of that topic. I should have left then. We were getting quite close at that point, though I didn't quite realize till too late, until she spoke those words.

"Hiei," her voice called softly through my thoughts as she gently set my hand down. I realized, with guilt, that I missed the touch of her soft fingertips and I scolded myself harshly. This was my sister and I wasn't allowed to feel such things.

Our gazes locked together, identical eyes of crimson glowing in the twilight. I tilted my head at her in question, my lips not wanting to part and speak words.

"Hiei...I..." A faint blush covered her pale cheeks, and I looked at her with bewilderment. She was now clutching her dainty hands together in a nervous gesture that I couldn't find the cause of. She had never been nervous around me before, no matter what the subject had been about. Well, except for that one time when she had asked me if I was seeing anyone. That just confused me even more.

"I think I love you..." she whispered, turning her eyes away from me suddenly.

I felt my entire body freeze. At first I thought she had found out I was her brother and was expressing it through that way, but horror filled me as I realized her true meaning. She was _in _love with me.

I shifted uncomfortably, my face completely red. I had not prepared for this situation. I knew that it could not be, no matter what. I could not accept her love because she did not know the sin she was committing. It was not her fault, but mine for acting in such a manner that would be suggestive to such feelings.

Yet there was a longing in me to accept what she had said. There was that little 'what if' lingering inside me. What if I just ignored that little thing, that judgment of others, and let myself really love her, in the way I truly wanted, in the truest romantic sense? That wistful part of myself was quickly killed by the sense of reason I had developed over the years leaving in the Makai. There would so much pain for her if she ever realized my lie, and I simply could not bear hiding such a horrendous fact to her. I couldn't soil her innocence with my perverse desires.

Yet, her eyes were pleading me to accept her love. I always fell prey to her beautiful eyes that mirrored mine so perfectly. I felt myself tremble in shame as I reached forward to stroke her cheek, surprised at my own forwardness. I was not used to touching others in such a way, so to watch her eyes gently flutter close and a sigh escape lightly from her lips from just my caress lit something deep within me. Before I knew what I was doing, I had leaned forward and awkwardly placed my lips on hers.

She trembled in my arms, as our lips brushed ever so lightly. Guilt lashed within me as I pulled away and turned my head. I couldn't stand to look in her eyes. She couldn't understand what she had just done, but I knew and I couldn't hold it in. I had crossed the line, gone to far. My feelings for Yukina, no my feelings for my _sister_ were unclean and taboo, just like I was. I would never fit quite right into this world and if Yukina ever discovered the truth she would toss me away just as the Koorime had done. I couldn't stand that. She was the only one who ever showed me such gentleness and made my heart feel at peace. I never wanted her to know the dirty truth.

That's why I left after that and she never saw me again. I did not abandon her though, I would never be able to do such a thing. I watched her from the treetops and the shadows, tracing her footsteps. I watched as she wept long into the night, but could do nothing. She couldn't understand my flight, but I did and I knew it was the best. Pain was my life, so I focused very little on how it made me feel. I knew it would be tough for her, but wounds heal with time.

In the end, she did heal. She was always so strong inside, so gentle, but so strong. Her tears ceased and I no longer collected the gems she left behind. Each tear I kept with me, to remind me of my sins. I knew only more would join them if the truth were ever to be found, so I did my best to watch her life from a distance.

A few years passed and I saw my dear sister warming up to the baka, Kuwabara. It invoked a terrible sense of jealousy in me, but I knew I could not interfere. Kurama, who was one of my contacts, warned me to stop my madness and live my own life. He told me I was going to destroy myself by only watching what I could not have, but I didn't listen to him. I always thought I was stronger than I really was.

The marriage was what really broke me. I guess I had always been holding onto that faint hope that maybe some day I would go and see Yukina face to face and everything would be cleared up. Yet, here was the finality of it all. She had moved on and found a reasonable good guy, if not irritating, but nonetheless honest. I couldn't begrudge her that happiness, but I couldn't get over the sense of intense loss that wore down on me.

There became less of a point for me to watch her. Nothing much had been happening and there was no danger I could really protect her from, but the watching had become an obsession. I was surprised she had not caught onto me, but I had pulled out all the stops to be as discreet as possible.

It was with an aching heart, I saw her carry her first child in her arms. I longed desperately to know why I had been born her twin, her other half, but could not be allowed to be that one. For the first time, I realized how empty my life was and I knew I couldn't stay here watching her forever. She was the dream that I could never hold and I should've realized that before I fell so deeply in love.

Once she had made me forget my taboo birth and believe in happiness, yet that time had long ago passed away. The truth was, I was stuck with only my bittersweet memories and knowledge that it could've never been. If I had been born as any other than her brother, my life would have been complete. I guess misery is just what I deserved in the end. A taboo child will never find happiness in a world that does not forgive.

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